A Story From Another

I am still working on another post about the anger stuff, until then here is someone else's story...

My story takes place almost 30 years ago. I don’t remember when I started having problems, I just remember when it finally got to a point I couldn’t handle it any longer. My periods had always been long and heavy. 7 days was not unusual, in fact pretty typical. I can’t prove anything, but the more I think about things, the more I honestly think starting to use tampons may have had something to do with my problems. Can’t prove anything, but I didn’t have any problems before that. (And it was just recently I came to that conclusion). As I said, they had always been long and heavy, but I had never had a lot of the typical ‘symptoms’- bloating, cramps, mood swings, etc.

Then my periods started getting even heavier and longer. It was lasting 10+ days a lot of months, and a very heavy flow. All of a sudden, I found myself 2 weeks before my periods would start just being miserable- the mood swings were ridiculous! And I was experiencing extreme cramping that I had never had. I found I was spending more and more time in the chair with a pillow crammed into my tummy to try to make the pain go away. Or holding the cat and making him sit on my lap for hours at a time (luckily he was a very loving, lazy cat who would oblige me). It wasn’t working.

And the emotional side- you touched on that quite well in your writing…I kept thinking as I was reading- ‘Exactly! She nailed it!’ When I had basically become a blubbering mess- (thank God for Art Garfunkel- I used to just sit and play his albums over and over while I cried and cried- they seemed to be the only thing that settled my mind) I finally got to the point where I couldn’t take it any more. And I’m sure my husband was just as thankful I finally said something, because I don’t know how much longer his patience would have lasted. (You can tell a person just so many times to take that guitar and cram it up his ass…) Playing the guitar was always one of his things- still is. He enjoys it and would come into the room I happened to be in and start playing. I, of course, being the sensitive wife I was, would listen intently and lovingly to his music. Whether I actually told him out loud to put his musical instrument someplace or just in my mind, doesn’t matter. The fact is I thought it, and became very resentful that he could just sit there and enjoy himself while I was so incredibly miserable. Couldn’t he see the intense pain I was in? Or did he simply not care- he felt fine, so the world was right.

So I went to the OBGYN clinic on base. The doctor didn’t find anything physically wrong with me. I was given a prescription for Tylenol 3 and sent home, with the understanding I would most likely continue to experience these cramps until I went through menopause, and the Tylenol 3 is strong enough to ease the pain. Unfortunately, the medication is also extremely bad for your stomach. But I figured it would ease the pain and I would be once again able to somewhat function, so I took it. The meds did help the physical cramping part, but did nothing for the emotional side. Now remember, this was 30 years ago, at an Air Force clinic, and they never ran any kind of tests for hormonal imbalance. Just did a regular exam and pap, both of which were ‘normal’. So even though the T3 helped the physical pain, the emotional side was still there, and it made me even ‘crazier’ because I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel better emotionally since I no longer was experiencing the pain. In fact, the roller coaster kept getting steeper and steeper. I wouldn’t go to work, wouldn’t clean the house (at least now I had an excuse not to…) and the kids were sent outside to play a lot. Back to the clinic, but I was told there was nothing more they could do for me because there wasn’t anything physically wrong with my uterus. So we went out-of-pocket to a Dr. down town. He came to the same conclusion- nothing wrong with my insides- keep taking the T3 until I went through menopause or get the thing cut out. Oh, and the moods- lets try these anti-depressants- they should help control the ups and downs and regulate my emotions. Finally something that would help the crazy part. The physical pains I could deal with- it was painful, but I delivered 2 babies- I figured I could get through that. The emotional part was just too much for me. That’s the part I really wanted ‘fixed’. So I gladly filled the prescription, with the understanding I would most likely be taking these until menopause as well. The anti-depressant really did help to stabilize my emotions. Unfortunately, it stabilized them in the lowest valley I had ever experienced in my life. We’re talking suicidal tendencies here folks. Seriously! I never felt so abandoned and afraid in my life. After just a few days of taking them, I flushed them. I was afraid I would take them all in an effort to just get it over with.

So back to the base clinic, to the uncaring doctor who just wanted to destroy my insides with dangerous pills. Cut it out! I want to be rid of it and this mess once and for all. I have my kids- don’t want any more- it’s of no use to me any longer. So surgery was scheduled, blah, blah, blah. End of story: I woke up from the surgery feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I could tell the difference immediately. They just removed my uterus- I still have my tubes and ovaries, so I didn’t even need to take hormones. And even though I think now that there was possibly a hormonal imbalance that started this whole thing, once my uterus was removed, the imbalance didn’t seem to be a factor any longer. I did experience some hot flashes- almost as if I was going through an early menopause, but that was temporary. I just can’t tell you how much better I felt immediately. I have never regretted having the surgery. So that’s my story. I guess the main thing to say is talk to your doctor, and make sure your doctor is hearing you and understands what’s going on. I was looked at by the AF doctor as if I really was crazy- just another bored housewife who’s making up stuff to add some spice to her life and get free drugs. And that didn’t help. I just shut up and took his stupid pills, but they were ineffective. So don’t settle for what the doctor says if it doesn’t make you comfortable. You need to come to the right conclusion for YOU. If your doctor says something that doesn’t sit right, find another doctor and see what they have to say. There are lots of good doctors out there, and it sounds like they are more in tune with these issues than they were 30 years ago. There will be options, and you need to weigh them all and decide what’s best for you.