Debilitating Part 2

There are a couple of statements from yesterday's post that really stand out for me. This one...

For some women with PMS, the symptoms are so sever that they are considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation: premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

And this one...

PMDD is premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that is so severe it can be debilitating due to either physical, mental or emotional symptoms. Treatment is recommended because PMDD interferes with the sufferer's ability to function in her social or occupational life.

These two statements are not just a little bit right, they are completely true for me. The problem is that I was in denial about it for far too long. I had convinced myself that this was just a normal part of life, a rough patch, a part of getting older or whatever else you want to call it. I was wrong. I'll touch on the physical symptoms today and get into the, harder to talk about, mental aspects tomorrow.

As far as PMS goes, I always had what I would consider the normal stuff, some bloating, maybe some mild cramping and breast tenderness or swelling. As time went on, these symptoms got worse, especially the cramping. Yikes on the cramping! However, I also started to experience severe headaches a day or two before my period and have even more trouble falling asleep. I knew that headaches could sometimes be due to hormone fluctuations so I didn't give it much thought at first but the lack of sleep nagged at me. I don't get enough as it is and losing more was not good. Over the past year I also started to experience more pain in my joints. This, as I realized later was causing me to also loose sleep. But again, instead of figuring out why or what was causing it I just wrote it off as not enough exercise and getting older. Achy joints are one thing, painful joints are another. There were times that I researched arthritis thinking that I might be headed down that path. If it hurt bad enough that I was doing that, I should have gone to my doctor. One other symptom of PMS, that I had no clue was a symptom, until I saw my doctor was respiratory problems. When I finally went and saw my doctor I had a head cold. I asked her for a Kleenex and just casually mentioned that I have never had this many colds in one year in my life. I felt like I was going from cold to cold with no reprieve. She told me that it was probably due to my severe PMS. I laughed thinking she was joking and she said, "no, really, many women experience respiratory or eye problems due to severe PMS." I was shocked.

After hearing about all my symptoms and listening to me talk about how it was affecting the rest of my life she started asking me a lot of questions. Then she asked if I had ever heard of PMDD because she thought that I was one of the lucky few that actually had PMS severe enough to be considered PMDD.

We went over the symptoms of PMDD. I was experiencing symptoms for two weeks before my period would start, they would retreat some during my cycle, I would have about a week to recover from the nightmare and then it would start all over again. I was going to say one good week during each month but often times that week wasn't necessarily good...just okay. So one okay week during each month - not good. I will use the symptoms listed on my blog from Wikipedia yesterday because they closely match what my doctor and I went over:

* feelings of deep sadness or despair, possible suicide ideation - I'll touch on this one more tomorrow but I definitely fit this one. I never did think suicide though so I had that going for me.

* feelings of tension or anxiety - I experienced this one at times but not enough that she checked it off. I wasn't sure if she should have checked this one or the next one.

* panic attacks - I wouldn't say that I ever had a panic attack HOWEVER my claustrophobia definitely intensified. Even in the car at times, if the kids got too loud that feeling of not being able to get out would creep in. No matter what movies you've seen, you just can't jump out of the car while driving down the freeway. The claustrophobic feeling would kick in and I'd snap at the boys to be quiet. It didn't help that my drivers side window is broken so I can't roll it down. It just added to the anxious feeling. My heart is starting to race just typing it out.

* mood swings, crying - without a doubt! Mood swings?? No, it was more like a Six Flags mood roller coaster that took off every 90 seconds. More on that tomorrow...

* lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts - check, check and check.

* apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships - yes, the lack of enthusiasm for anything in my life was frightening.

* difficulty concentrating - yes, but I argued that this could be the lack of sleep. My doctor gave the look and checked it off. She then said that many symptoms fed off each other and made them worse. This was tough for me. I am a very organized driven person. I like to get the job done and move onto the next. I was having a hard time doing that and the fear of not completing it at all meant that a lot of times I just didn't start it or do it. That wasn't good either!

* fatigue - beyond belief really. I think I mentioned once before that even getting out of bed at times was difficult task. There were days when I would sit on the couch for an hour or two trying to convince my body to physically move and go do something. When I did finally get up and get moving, on the really bad days, I would do dishes then feel so exhausted that I would have to sit back down. Housework was taking me 2, 3 and even 4 times longer than it used to. If I got it done at all. I would ride my bike, on somewhat good days, down to the store and then wonder as I grabbed the two items I needed if I was going to be able to make it home. Again, that is less than a mile away. This wasn't something that happened every day but enough to totally alter/affect my life.

* food cravings or binge eating - cravings, yes. The ice is the oddest craving that I have. Some days it's citrus fruit. Don't get between me and my orange. On other days all I want is a certain dish from a certain restaurant, etc. I am assuming that it would be similar to what happens during pregnancy. I never had cravings while pregnant, just aversions. Mustard was evil when I was pregnant. So the food craving, beyond just thinking something sounds really good, was a new one for me. Plotting all day on how to get your husband downtown and near your favorite Thai restaurant so you can casually mention that he's close and should just pick up dinner is just not right.

* insomnia or hypersomnia - insomnia, has anyone seen the bags under my eyes lately? A friend sent me a text a while back that said, "May the rest you get far exceed the hours you sleep." If this were only the case! And you know what I did when I got the text? I cried because it was on the downhill part of the roller coaster ride. I work odd hours (my choice) so I don't get a ton of sleep but it was never a problem until the last year or so. I think it's become, no I know it's become more of a problem because I just don't sleep. When I lay down I rarely fall into that deep sleep. I've thought about using a natural sleep aide but am fearful to do so since I don't have 8 hours to devote to sleeping. I sadly, can not remember the last time that I got a good solid night of sleep. Even when I have the time to sleep it just doesn't happen. I'm sure that other symptoms just feed this issue, take for example the joint pain.

* feeling "out of control" - I felt totally out of control, like I was no longer in charge of my life.

* increase or decrease in sex drive - decrease but I hid this as well as I could. I didn't want Joel to know. You know that saying, "buck up camper!" yeah, that's pretty much what I told myself. I didn't want to punish Joel for my problems and I knew that he was already stressed out at work so why add to that. I didn't keep him totally in the dark about stuff but I did not share enough. I should have! My writing it down and talking it out I might have caught on a little sooner.

* increased need for emotional closeness - I actually created an environment that was completely opposite of this but did feel the need for this. This is another good one for tomorrow's post.

* physical symptoms: bloating, heart palpitations, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle pain - yes but I just thought that was all associated to PMS or lack of exercise. PMS and lack of exercise don't help these symptoms in anyway but it was not the only reason.

Five or more of these symptoms may indicate PMDD...I have PMDD.